Confessions
by Marie del a Meer
Summary: Set in season 2, after the episode 'The Right Thing', if Doug's birthday party had taken place. MarkSusan Marsan DougCarol angst.
1. Chapter 1

**Confessions**

**Author: **Marie del a Meer

**Rating: **M (sex)

**Disclaimer: **I don't own ER or the characters.

**Summary: **I really liked the second season episode _The Right Thing_, but instead, I wanted to explore something fun. If Carter hadn't said/ thought anything of Susan and Mark together on the train, and Doug hadn't blown off the party... involving lots of tequila. Can't remember the episode? Carter gets on a train to see Susan and Mark acting snugglely, and wrongly comes to the conclusion that they are seeing one another. This rumour spreads throughout the ER. They were actually going Tequila shopping for Doug's birthday because there were supposed to be cocktails at Susan's house. Doug's father showed up out of the blue, so the party didn't happen. And Mark buys a motorcycle. The rumours lead to a great scene between Susan and Mark. Of, course in my version this scene wouldn't exist, but there just might be some Marsan action... Carol is dating Shep the paramedic and Susan still has Susie. Mark is about to get divorced.

Susan and Mark stood in Susan's kitchen. Susan was setting up her blender and Mark was cutting up limes. Mark's newly acquired motorcycle was parked in the corner of Susan's living room.

"So how much did you pay for that thing anyway?" She asked.

Mark glanced at the bike and shrugged, "A lot less than it's worth."

"You ripped off a seventeen year old?" Susan smiled as she baited him.

"I did the kid a favour." Mark fained innocence.

"Sure Mark." Susan mocked him.

Susan went to her makeshift bar which was really just a shelf above her microwave. She pulled out vodka and tequila. She heard a knock at the door.

"I'll get it," Mark said as he hopped off the couch.

It was Carol. She looked pleased to see them. She took off her beanie and coat. She had obviously been home and changed. She looked nice, her hair was out and she had a fitted red woollen sweater and jeans on.

"Carol," Susan called from the kitchen, "just in time for the first round of margaritas."

Mark and Carol walked over to where Susan was pouring the different ingredients into the blender.

"Ah... shouldn't we, I don't know... wait for Doug?" Mark mocked her.

"Speaking of Doug," Carol began, "I think he's going to be late, that's if he shows at all."

"What do you mean?" Mark asked, "It's _his_ birthday."

Carol turned a little serious, "You will never guess who came to visit Doug today."

"One of his hundred thousand ex's?" Susan deadpanned. She continued to add ice to the blender.

Carol's voice remained serious, "His father."

Both Mark and Susan gaped at this. Instead of momentary silence, the void was filled with the vacuum-like sound of the blender attempting to slice its way through ice cubes.

When Susan finally shut it off, Mark took the opportunity to speak, "What happened?"

"He said his Dad was being typical, stopped by to borrow money, but I know he was lying." Her voice turned contemplative, "It really affected him, you know, to see his father."

Susan handed them each a glass.

"To Doug's birthday." Mark held out his glass. The women followed his lead and they clinked glasses.

Susan led them to her couch where they made themselves comfy. Carol took an individual chair to ensure Susan and Mark would sit next to one another one the couch. She wanted to fix those two up and still hadn't found quite the right way to do it.

"So, let's see whose day was worse, I'll go first," Susan announced then took a big sip of her drink. "Homeless AIDS patient comes in drunk, boyfriend also a drunk has had an overdose. She won't tell him that she has AIDS, I'm not allowed to tell him, Carter, Carter is on his way to turning into Benton, starts yelling at them in an exam room, and later I find the same woman smoking outside in the snow in her hospital gown, when I have to tell her that she has pneumonia."

"Good opening." Mark commented, "I don't think I'm going to win this one, especially since I got such a good deal on my new motorcycle."

"So that thing really is yours?" Carol sounded quite shocked. "Mark, with that motorcycle you have turned into the cliché of a guy about to be divorced." Carol couldn't help but joke.

"Come on Carol," Susan invited her to contribute.

"Oh, I fold too." Carol shook her head.

"So what do I win?" Susan asked taking another sip of her cocktail.

"How about I make the next round." Mark suggested.

"Sounds good," Carol agreed smiling.

Susan shook her head, "Poor Doug." She said what they were all thinking.

Two more cocktails later the conversation had gotten looser. Carol was talking about her house. Mark began to mention more about his pending divorce. Suddenly there was a knock at the door.

Susan got up. "Think that's Doug?" She asked.

The others shrugged. Though he had been invited, Mark and Susan didn't really expect Carter to show up.

It was Doug.

"Happy birthday," Susan said before taking in his dishevelled appearance. He looked like crap. He was soaking. He must have been walking in the rain and snow for a few hours. Susan took his coat. His sweater was wet too. "Doug what happened? Did you decide to roll around in the snow?"

He shrugged, he seemed numb. He put the empty flask he had back into his coat pocket.

"I'll see if I have something dry for you to put on." Susan called as she went to her bedroom.

Doug stood a couple of metres inside the door. He greeted Carol and Mark who were sitting in the living room. He was glad to see Carol was there, without Shep. He didn't feel he could have coped if she had bought _him_. He was planning to take off his top there, but he didn't want to stand naked in front of Carol. Doug went followed Susan into her bedroom.

He had been to her apartment once before, but he had never been inside her bedroom. Her walls were quite bright colours and had various photos and wall hangings. Her whole apartment was homely, feminine and messy. He tried to compare it to Carol's old apartment, which had been smaller than this, but much colder. The walls were all white, and bare. There wasn't a lot of clutter. He caught sight of Susie sleeping in her cot. He smiled. It was nice to know some people were making wonderful parents. He hadn't told her, but he commended Susan for what she was doing with Susie. He didn't really know Chloe, but he had seen enough of her to know he knew her type. It really was for the best.

Susan had moved the cot into her room for the night and Susie was fast asleep. She wondered how long that was going to last. She went rummaging through the back of her closet, she was sure that she still had some of Div's clothes. For a second it struck her that it was odd she still had them. Since that cabby had shown her that photo of him and his wife she had meant to give his remaining stuff to the goodwill or something. She guessed she just hadn't had the time. Oh, well.

She found a polo shirt, a green woollen sweater and some brown pants. They probably wouldn't be a great fit, but at least he wouldn't be cold. By the time she turned around, Doug was right behind her.

"Doug," she said startled, "You scared me."

Doug was bare-chested. Susan handed him the clothes she had and left the room.

Back at the couch Mark and Carol were chuckling about something. Susan sat down again.

"Is he okay?" Carol asked.

"I think so," Susan answered, "we should probably get him a drink." Carol got up and went to the kitchen.

"You mean he's not drunk already?" Mark was a little surprised.

"I don't think so." Susan shrugged. She had seen the flask, but Doug didn't seem drunk. He seemed upset.

"So what's so funny," Susan asked Mark.

"Oh Carol talked me into confessing my secrets, it's some kind of game."

"What did she ask?" Susan seemed intrigued.

Mark responded, "First kiss."

Susan smiled at the childishness of it all, "So, how old were you?"

"15, Samantha Rowley, playing spin the bottle, which means that I lose because Carol was 12." Mark owned up.

Carol came back in, "Elijah Stannik, my best friend's older brother. He was 14."

"Your turn Susan," said Mark. Carol noted that he looked way too interested in her response.

"Ben Wiseman, I was 13. We dated for about a week." Susan smiled. It seemed like a sweet memory for her.

"It didn't last?" Mark mocked her.

Doug entered the room. His flask only held about 3 standard drinks, so he was only feeling a bit happy, while his friends were closer to pissed. He could use this to his advantage. Their giggling subsided when they saw him.

"Why don't we try to make this trip down memory lane a little more interesting, shall we?" He sounded more threatening than he should have. "What age did you lose your virginity."

"I'll go first," Doug took the drink Carol offered him and sat in another single armchair, "I was twelve, she was fifteen... Of course I told her I was fifteen. Sandy Bowen, blonde hair, blue eyes..." He swigged his drink. He noticed that Mark and Susan were visibly uncomfortable with the direction this conversation had taken.

Carol went next, "Daniel Cooper. Quarterback at St. Lukes. I was sixteen. After Springfling."

"The quarterback, go Carol." Susan was impressed, "Were you a cheer leader?"

"God no." Carol scoffed, "I was too shy for that."

"Mark," Carol raised an eyebrow.

"Ah, um," he stammered.

"Susan," Carol encouraged.

"Floyd Walker, in the shed behind his father's radiator repair shop." Susan smiled. "I was fifteen. The smell of antifreeze turns me on."

Doug and Carol erupted in laughter at her story. Mark was not so happy, not upset either, he just seemed to wish he was somewhere else right now.

"Okay come on Mark," Susan urged. "We all went, your turn."

Mark took what seemed like a very long time. "Jen," he broke the silence. "We were seventeen." Mark felt a little guilt. He started dated Jen when he was seventeen. They didn't actually sleep together until he was eighteen, but he didn't want to feel any less part of the group than he did right now.

They were all silent. It dawned on all of them that Mark hadn't been with anyone but Jen.

Doug went to the kitchen and came back holding a bottle of Wild Turkey. He took a swig straight from the bottle. "Let's change the game. Something meaningful... ah... I know... What's your biggest fear?"

"Carol, how bout you go first." Doug volunteered her. The evening had taken quite the turn from funny, to uncomfortable but funny and now depressing.

Carol sighed, "Being miserable for the rest of my life." It was a nonchalant answer, and the way Carol said it, was as if she was thinking _duh_, _isn't it obvious_.

Susan momentarily thought back to Carol's suicide attempt, over a year and a half ago now. She wondered if it ever really leaves you? That desire, or being overcome. Do you fight it like an addiction?

Susan nodded in understanding, "Being alone for the rest of my life." She conveyed honestly. "That certainly used to be it. I don't think about it so much now that I have Susie." Her face lit up visibly.

Mark was a little surprised by Susan's answer. He never considered her to be alone. One, he always knew that he would be there for her, and because whenever he felt alone he sought her out, Susan was a place of comfort to him. It gave him a strange sense of hope, that she felt exactly how he did.

They looked at Mark. He shook his head, "I don't know, rejection...failure...not making the grade, never...well, just not being enough. Yeah, that I'll never be enough."

_Fear of rejection, _Doug smirked,_ that certainly seemed right_. He still couldn't believe that Mark hadn't made a move on Susan, and frankly it drove him a little nuts. One thing no one could say of Doug was that he didn't try. When he really cared about someone, he couldn't be left twisting in the wind. Even if they said no, at least you had an answer, something to move on from. He recalled when he had rocked up to Carol's engagement party to tell her that he loved her. Doug couldn't understand how Mark could let his feelings stay in limbo. Maybe Mark knew he couldn't handle the answer if it was no.

Carol looked over to Doug who was sucking on the bourbon bottle. They all remained silent, unsure of whether Doug was going to participate or not.

"Becoming my father." Doug began, "and you know, the scary part is, sometimes I know that I'm him. Almost. I haven't walked out on my wife and kid yet, but I'm not sure that that won't happen one day either. I drink too much like he does, I womanise like he does, I'm cocky like him and a little kid sometimes the way he is..."

They all remained silent. To disagree with what Doug had said would be lying, and he wouldn't appreciate the facade, on the other hand he was depressed and didn't need for them to agree with his self deprecation. He felt bad enough.

"I don't think I'm anything like my father." Mark started. "He's Navy, a real man's man. I thought he was disappointed I didn't join. But it was really that I was his son. This nerdy, long haired momma's boy who would have suited the service about as much as Doug would suit the priesthood." His teasing smile carried their attention in Doug's direction, but Carol lingered for a moment, _Mark could have been more bitter, but he wasn't he was just calling a spade a spade._

The conversation led Carol to reflect on her father. She broke the comfortable silence, "I wish I had gotten to know my father." Carol seemed lost in a world of her own, "I remember a few things, but they are so faded. Some things I'm not sure if they really happened or if I made them up." Carol shook her head. "My mother says a lot of things, bad things about him, but I don't want her version, I want my own."

Susan chipped in, "I certainly get along with my father better than my mother, not that that's saying all that much." She drawled. "He's never been all that... supportive, in the involved in our lives sense." She joked, pausing. They seemed to be waiting for elaboration. So she finished by voicing, "I think he doesn't know how to reach out, you know." Her tone brightened, "But, he's been helping me with Susie for the past two months. He's been great. I mean he hadn't left our house in six years..."

The others raised their eyebrows at her last statement so Susan clarified, "he had a break down a few years ago; that's why he retired." Then as an afterthought, ginning she said, "Well, that and he drinks."

"Okay, try this," Doug was starting to slur his words. He had certainly caught up in a flash, "if you could change one thing in your life what would it be?"

Mark knew that he was being baited. _Dammit Doug, is nothing sacred to you. _

Mark got up, "I think I need another drink." He went to the kitchen. Susan saw his expression, picked up her empty glass following him. She didn't quite understand what she just saw.

"What are you doing Doug?" Carol accused him.

"What? It's my birthday," he announced waving his arms in the air, bottle in one hand. "And I'm just celebrating with some... birthday _cheer._" He almost spat the last word.

Carol's arms were crossed. "Oh, and who exactly is supposed to be cheered up by this celebration?" Carol said pointedly.

Doug ignored her, "I can't believe that bastard came to see me today... he doesn't show up for what... over 20 years and then just like that..." he didn't finish his sentence.

"What did he want?" Carol sounded more sympathetic now.

"I don't know... forgiveness? The chance to play Dad again for five minutes?" Doug held so much anger in his words, "He gave me Bulls tickets. What a joke."

Back in the kitchen Susan sat on the counter while Mark loaded the blender.

"Doug's chipper." Susan joked while trying to gage how Mark was feeling.

Mark sounded glum, "What do you expect?"

Susan shrugged, "I don't know I guess I just want out of this total dampener he has on the night."

"Yeah," Mark nodded in agreement, before lowering his voice to a whisper, "I feel kind of embarrassed."

"About what... _oh_..." Susan shook her head, "You know what Mark, don't be... I mean I think it's really sweet." She reached out and squeezed his arm.

"I think I'm sick and tired of being sweet." Mark punctuated his words.

Susan looked at him from the corner of her eye, "Is that what the motorcycle's about?" She suggested knowingly.

Mark shrugged. She probably was right.

"Mark," Susan said, "Doug's probably slept with what... I don't know... a thousand women. Do you think that makes him any happier than you?"

_I think you would make me happy,_ Mark thought. He wasn't sure if Susan was giving him signals or not, saying she thought he was sweet might be the dreaded _we're only friends_ line, or maybe she was looking for sweet. He wanted to do something. There had been other moments when he felt their connection was something more, but he had always backed out, too afraid of rejection. Fear was holding him back.

She sighed, "I mean the best anyone can do is find that one person who makes you truly happy, and you make them happy." Susan stared blissfully into space as she spoke.

Mark stared at Susan's lips. He figured if he didn't do it now he would lose his nerve. He leaned over and bought his lips to hers. His senses were in overdrive, looking for the slightest hint that she was about to pull away. To his pleasant surprise he felt her reposition herself on the bench slightly, angling her head on the side just a fraction, allowing him better access to her mouth. He didn't need to be told twice, he pulled her lower lip into his mouth, and the kiss became more involved. He opened his mouth and used his tongue to explore further. He felt her tongue. _She was kissing him back._ He didn't want to open his eyes for fear that he would be dreaming. His put his arms around her pulling her in closer to him. She made a muffled sound as he drew her in along the bench._ Did she just moan?_ Nothing else mattered right now. When they finally broke contact, Mark had to catch his breath. _Had it been moments or minutes_? Susan stared back at him with her dazzling green eyes, her cat's eyes. But he knew this look to be of gentle interest, like she was asking a question. Then she smiled. Mark felt a wave of relief wash over him. He put his face into her neck, holding her there. He kissed her soft skin. Her fingers running through his hair as if to encourage his decent down to her collarbone, he felt alive, but it wasn't enough. He was burning, alive. He wanted Doug and Carol to be out of the next room, he wanted, words and thoughts flooded him, in the end the only one that broke through his dazed mind was that he wanted Susan...right now.

Carol sat and watched as Doug paced the room while he continued to rant about his father. In the two years they had been lovers Doug had hardly ever mentioned him, except for a comment here or there conveying that they didn't see each other or get along.

Doug was probably only sharing because he was drunk, but it was still intimate and revealing anyway. They had never communicated well in the past. How could he think so little of amorous acts, to expose himself during sex and then find talking so difficult? _Such was his mystery_ Carol considered, and_ his charm_.

"I just never got it. I was always so happy to see him. He'd roll up drunk, or high or with some woman in the car, and I'd still be happy to see him. He'd give me some tacky souvenir and that would be good enough, all would be forgiven. Then he'd let me down again, and there would be no word. He'd miss Christmas, my birthday, and... you know it's funny, a funny story really, I would make excuses for him. His car probably broke down, he's somewhere so exotic they don't have phones. Every time I'd get sucked right back in and every time he'd let me down." He stopped stalking around the room, he voice grew quiet, "What am I talking about? I'm still that boy." He seemed so deflated.

Carol didn't know what to say. Doug prevented her from having to say anything, as he began to pace again. Doug stammered again in a way Carol had gotten used to over the years, "My mother, oh she, she, she had been through this cycle a few times too many, she was much smarter by now. She just had no expectations of him anymore." He shook is head, "And I used to hate _her_ for telling me that he wasn't going to show up. Stupid!"

Doug's voice changed again, he was almost pleading, "I wanted her to want to believe in him, believe the lies I was telling myself." Doug spoke knowingly, "She used to have this look, the 'how can you be so naive' look, that's what I call it now that I finally worked out what it is."

He shook his head again, "I hated her for not taking him back. He's got a good heart, he doesn't mean to hurt you, he really does love you. Give him another chance."

Carol noted that Doug had changed to present tense, as if he were having that conversation with his mother right now. She couldn't help but draw her own conclusions from this Freudian slip. _Is that what you want from me Doug?_

"I'm the one that is naive enough to take you back, let you hurt me, and then somehow you convince me that you've changed..."

Doug realised how what he said sounded, but fained innocence anyway, "I wasn't talking about you."

"But you could have been." Carol shook her head, "We're just completing this stupid cycle over and over again..."

"He just wanted someone who was going to love him no matter what."

Carol decided she didn't want to have this fight, but it didn't stop all the thoughts from swirling around in her head, _Is that what all your screwing up is Doug, you like testing me, to see if I'll give you my unconditional love. You really think I can handle that?_

Susan and Mark were still in the kitchen. They could hear the conversation between Carol and Doug almost word for word. Susan was still sitting on the counter. Mark stood in front embracing her. They both felt uncomfortable, they didn't want to go out there, but didn't want to hear anymore. Carol and Doug seemed to have lost sight of the fact that they were even there.

"They're going to wake Susie up." Susan whispered into Mark's ear.

Carol continued, her voice caught in her throat as she felt like crying or screaming or both, "When you treat me bad, I bleed, and I blame you and then I go back for more punishment and then I blame me, because I'm no better than a junkie."

"Carol," Doug began to plead, but she didn't allow him to finish.

The low serious voice returned, "I can't do it Doug. I don't believe you've changed."

"That's what I was going to say before..." he trailed off.

"Before what?" Carol was confused.

"The game, my confession," Doug prompted, "If I could change one thing... it would be things between us."

"Yeah?" Carol turned cold, "What could you _possibly _do to make me trust you again?"

"Carol, I'm sorry." Doug genuinely sounded broken.

Carol instantly felt guilty for yelling at him, when he already felt bad. In truth, this conversation was probably long overdue. But, she was beginning to wish she had picked another day though.

Susie began to cry.

Doug and Carol ceased yelling at each other. Susan came out from the kitchen, walked passed both of them and went into her bedroom. She picked up Susie and began to bounce her on her hip. "It's okay sweetie, I'm sorry we woke you up."

Mark meekly entered the living room. Carol and Doug were both standing facing one another a couple of feet apart.

"You know what, I'm going to go." Carol announced without taking her eyes from Doug.

"Of course, run back to your German Shepard, carrot top... fire boy." Doug trailed with any insult he could think of and continued to flail his arms. He gulped some more of the bourbon.

Carol pulled her coat from Susan's coat rack. Mark followed her to the door. "Tell Susan I'm sorry," she said.

"Don't worry about it," Mark assured her, "He won't tell you, but I think he was happy that you came."

Carol smiled weakly and looked up at him, "Thanks Mark." She patted his shoulder and then left.

Doug was still standing in the middle of the room. He looked like a lost sheep.

"Doug, come on, I'll take you home." Mark encouraged as he tried to take the bottle away from Doug.

Susan stepped out of her room. She was holding Susie who was still moaning.

"You two are very lucky," Doug stated, as if it was something they must be made aware of. "He's a good guy Susan, the best. He'll always treat you with respect, and never cheat on you..."

Susan looked at Mark who was staring uncomfortably back at her. He shrugged, as if to say he can't control Doug as his big mouth. He wanted to tell her that he hadn't said anything about them to Doug. He wouldn't do that.

"Come on Doug," Mark began to steer him toward the door.

"I'll come back," he whispered to her.

She nodded.

Doug was swaying by now. Mark took him out the door and tried to hail a cab. It was freezing out.

"You need to tell Susan, Mark." Doug sounded down, "Don't blow it like I did."

"I'm gonna tell her, I'm just waiting for the right time." Mark assured him. He was relieved they had no idea what he and Susan had gotten up to in the kitchen. That was the kind of fodder the King of Gossip wouldn't be able to keep to himself. And at least for now, Mark wanted it to be just theirs.

"Your lucky Mark, you won't screw it up." Doug nodded his head, as if satisfied that his work as matchmaker was done. "You won't screw it up," he repeated.

He continued to drone on for the next five or so minutes, "Susan's a good woman."

"Yes she is," Mark agreed.

Before to much more of this went on a cab pulled up. Mark gave the cabby instructions.

"Carol's great, she doesn't even know how great she is..." Doug began.

He began to list all of Carol's wonderful qualities.

Mark was confused. "I thought you two just had a fight?"

"She was right you know," Doug conceded.

"About what?" Mark questioned.

"About everything. If she said yes, I'd just screw it up again." As an after thought Doug added, "I'm already him."

Doug was quiet for the rest of the trip. He was really hurting. Mark on the other hand felt great. _Susan kissed him back._ She was expecting him to come back to her apartment... Then Mark felt a pang of guilt, Doug was drowning while he wanted to celebrate. Some friend.

Mark found Doug's key and got them in the door of Doug's apartment. It was typically bare and reasonably tidy. Doug was surprisingly neat for the kind of bachelor he was.

"You want something to eat or some water?" Mark asked. He didn't really feel like making anything, but he felt he should offer. He felt impatient and wanted to hurry back.

Doug sprawled out on the sofa. "I'm fine, I'm fine," He repeated to assure himself more than Mark.

"What does she see in him anyway?" Doug asked to no one really.

Mark came over to him. "Who?"

"The German Shepard."

Mark sighed, he was frustrated, "I don't know Doug, you'd have to ask her."

"Maybe I will. Maybe I will," Doug pulled the phone off its holder and began to dial.

Mark promptly took it off him. "Doug, if she's home she's probably asleep."

Doug nodded slowly as if seriously considering this, "Probably."

"How about you go to sleep too," Mark suggested in a patronising tone.

"I don't feel so well..." Doug said as he staggered towards the bathroom.

Doug spent the better part of half an hour bent over his toilet. When he had finally rid his body of all the alcohol he felt a little better. Mark stayed with him, not that there was much he could do. Doug took a shower and brushed his teeth. Mark was still there when he got out.

"Tell Susan I'm sorry." Doug sounded genuinely regretful.

Mark doubted Susan was going to care too much, "It's okay Doug. We all have days like this."

Doug got in to bed. "You're a good friend, you know that? Much better than me. And a good man."

Mark was about to leave the room, but stopped and turned leaning against the doorframe. "Don't give up, Doug. Carol still cares about you."

"She's crazy." Doug mumbled as he laid his head on the pillow.

_Sadistic more like it_, thought Mark. But, it was their problem. They would work it out or they wouldn't. It wasn't for him to meddle.

He hailed a cab and looked at his watch. It had been almost three hours since he had left Susan's place. She was probably asleep now and relieved to have gotten Susie back to bed. He didn't want to get her up again. He decided to go home.

Mark finally crawled into bed and pulled the cover up to his chin. He felt happier than he had felt in a long time. His heart raced just thinking about what had happened in the kitchen. He had finally told Susan how he felt, well shown her. She hadn't rejected him, she had kissed him back. It had been along time coming. He had thought about Susan sexually on and off for years. At first it was just a look or smile here or there that he would think about again later. Then, when he would be fighting with Jen he would think about Susan more and more. What it would be like to touch her face, kiss her lips, run his fingers through her hair. For the last six months she was really all he thought about, even when he and Jen had gotten back together. He thought he was happy because they were a family again and he was doing his job, but he began to realise just how much he had grown accustomed to being in a constant state of disagreement with Jen. It made it easier to think about Susan. If he were being honest he would say they hadn't been happy for a couple of years at least. She had stopped giving him slack, and he had started to pull away harder. He thought about love and marriage, it wouldn't always be easy, but you had to find someone, that no matter what happened, you loved them enough, that you would want to work it out with them, no matter what...

**A/N: Feedback is appreciated. There is one more chapter to come.**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Thanks to those who reviewed. Here is the rest. Rated M for sex (you have been warned!!!). There are some spoilers for Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon; confused? You should be.**

Susan awoke to pounding on her door, and some milder pounding in her head. Susie was sleeping. She had woken up twice in the night, so Susan was relived. Susan crawled out of bed and found her way to the door. It was Mark.

"Sorry," He beamed sheepishly, holding a coffee in each hand. He looked so cute. "I hope this isn't too early," he said.

Susan was aware that she had bad bed hair and if she looked half as tired as she felt it wouldn't be a pretty sight. "No, this is fine," she smiled back. The strange part was she really meant it.

Susan took one of the cups and invited Mark to sit at her table.

"Is Doug okay?" She asked.

"Yeah, he'll be fine."

"That was some fight they had." Susan recalled.

"Yeah," Mark nodded in contemplation, "You know, I don't really want to talk about Doug and Carol right now." He grinned at her.

Mark put his coffee down and came over to where Susan was sitting. She knew his intentions and was impressed by his boldness. Without breaking eye contact he kneeled down next to her. There was something in his eyes that excited her. Leaning up, he gently kissed her cheek, lingering there just a fraction longer than is polite. Susan smiled into her coffee cup as she placed it down. She was intent on savouring the moment, but was denied, Mark bought his lips back to hers. He snaked his tongue into her mouth. Susan pulled back from Mark momentarily. His eyes questioned her, she could see his fear. She leaned over and removed his glasses, leaving them folded on the table. She leaned in and resumed kissing him, it may be childish, thought Mark, but he couldn't help but note that this was the first time Susan had initiated the kiss, and found that more exciting. Susan wrapped her arms around Mark's neck. She felt his arms holding her waist. Their kissing became comfortable and rhythmic. It was slow and sweet. Susan kept pulling Mark closer to her, she wanted to feel his body heat, smell his scent. Susan felt one of Mark's arms under her knees and the other around her shoulders. Before she knew it he had picked her up. To the casual observer it would have looked like a groom carrying his bride over the threshold. Susan gasped and laughed at the same time, her reaction made his spirits soar. As he carried her, their mouths never broke contact. Mark's vision was pretty blurry without his glasses, but he knew his way around Susan's apartment blindfolded. He carried Susan towards her bedroom.

"Susie's asleep in there." Susan whispered into his ear.

Mark stopped. He felt disappointed; he was dying to make love to Susan. He'd even bought condoms this morning after he got the coffee.

Susan saw his expression, and reassured him, "Couch is fine."

Mark walked them back to the couch and laid Susan down. He pulled off his sweater, and began undoing his shirt. He lifted Susan's arms up and pulled her pyjama top over her head. Mark had thought about being with Susan for so long, he didn't want to rush, but he also felt ready to explode because he wanted this so much. Mark looked into Susan's eyes seeing the same desire and longing there that he knew all too well. He kissed and caressed her body, learning what she tasted like, what pleased her. His desire for her, was reflected in her eyes,

Mark took his time caressing Susan's breasts, his mouth found her nipples. Mark's hands journeyed down touching the smooth skin of her stomach. His hands found the waist band of her pyjama pants. He slid them down Susan's legs, discarding them on the floor with the rest of their clothes. Mark stopped momentarily so that he could gaze at Susan's beautiful naked body. He felt the excitement rise in him. She spread her legs slightly. Mark placed his hands on her thighs, his fingers drew loose circles along her sensitive skin. He reached her pubic area. His fingers rubbed her clitoris. Her body responded to his wanderings, he heard her breathing become faster. He allowed his fingers to slip inside her. She was wet, and ready for him.

Susan was burning in anticipation. She rid Mark of his boxer shorts, and began stroking his throbbing arousal. Susan's touch sent his senses into overdrive. Mark was so turned on, he had to try and distract himself. His hand had to make her stop. Susan rolled the condom onto his quivering member. Mark eased his erection into her slowly._ It felt fantastic. _He began to thrust his hips to hers gently. Susan wrapped her thighs around his hips, crossing her feet at the ankles. His arms held her close in an embrace. They continued to look one another in the eye. You can't fake the emotion that way, the desire, the love that you feel for that person is all there in the eyes.

Mark's movements became faster. Susan felt the tension in her body mounting, her grasp on Mark became tenser. The way Susan's body reacted to what he was doing continued to excite Mark, and he sensed his own body approaching climax. Mark tired to hold on longer, but he was overcome. Susan's hands left Mark's neck to guide his hips to her, holding him where she felt her heat rising. Mark thrust a few final times, feeling Susan's body pulsating around him. He moaned as he felt his body release.

Mark collapsed on top of Susan feeling completely spent. He was sweating and out of breath. He felt content. He always felt comfortable and secure when he was with Susan, but this was much greater than that. They lay holding one another for a long time. He ran his fingers through her hair.

After some time Mark suddenly spoke "Do you have a favourite love story?"

Susan was taken aback, "As in what? Books, movies, anything?"

Mark nodded, "Yeah."

Nothing came to her. "I don't know," Susan shook her head, "You tell me yours."

"Have you seen Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon?" Mark asked.

"Uh, no." Susan was confused, "I thought that was a kung-fu movie?"

"It is, but these two warriors, Li Mu Bai and Shu Lien, are in love but have never told one another, out of culture and honour and possibly because they're afraid..." Mark was never very good at articulating his feelings, which is probably why he was using a story to convey the emotion for him. He hoped Susan understood. "Stuff had happened," Mark glossed over most of the plot.

Susan listened intently, she was sure Mark was trying to tell her something profound.

Mark shook his head, "Anyway, at the end of the movie, Li Mu Bai has been poisoned. There is an antidote, that another character has run out to get." Mark was feeling much more emotional than he thought he should be, "Li Mu Bai knows he is about to die so he tells Shu Lien that he is on his last breath. She tells him to meditate, not to waste it... but instead he chooses to tell Shu Lien that he has always loved her." Mark stared into Susan's eyes, she looked equally intense.

"Does he die?" Susan questioned. _I think I prefer my love stories completely fluffy and happy. I'd prefer it if nothing bad happened for two people to realise that they love one another._

Mark continued to recount the story, "Yeah... she kisses him for the first and last time then he dies moments before they arrive with the cure."

Susan spoke frankly, "That might even be more depressing than Romeo and Juliet."

Mark was feeling quite serious, "He said he would rather die telling her that he loved her, than to wait for a cure at the risk of dying without her knowing."

"That's really sad." Susan reflected, "But beautiful," she added as an afterthought. Silence rang out for a few moments. "You're not trying to tell me you're dying, are you?" Susan teased.

They both giggled. Mark hugged and kissed her again. He reached for Susan's hand, brought her hand to his lips, kissed it tenderly. Mark opened his mouth, about to speak. Susan hushed him, pulling him closer to her. "You don't need to tell me Mark...I know... and me too."

Susie began to cry, Susan got up immediately to tend to her. Mark lay silently watching her. _She is so beautiful._ After a few minutes Susan came back into the room holding Susie who looked alert and happy. Susan looked over at Mark and smiled. It was a look of pure joy.

_This is exactly where I want to be._

**A/N: I was going to leave it here, I'm not sure I have the patience to try and salvage Doug and Carol's relationship in this fic. Any feedback is appreciated, including flames, I'm trying to improve.**


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